For the man who has everything.

So I just got an email from a woman in Long Island who wanted to buy her husband a surprise bodyrub for his birthday. I had to let her know that I don't travel to that area, but I don't think I would have been comfortable with that type of situation.

You may be thinking, "what a cool wife!" But I don't think that's the desire of men. I have a sense that married men get off on the idea that they are doing something behind their wife's back. Sure, they tell me their wife doesn't give them special attention, she's lost her shape, they no longer have sex... But I feel that these are the same men who wouldn't be seeing me if they were single. They feel that if they were single, they could have me - and that freedom frightens them. It is the fantasy of being caught "with their pants down" and the barriers between is that makes the experience truly sexy.

Here's an example in my own life: I rent porn with my husband, buy it for him as gifts, have no negative feelings if he wanks off when I'm not around, but if I'm "sleeping" he'll watch it "secretly" and deny it later. Hilarious (and adorable)!

Remember the movie American Beauty? The film surrounds Kevin Spacey's obsession with teenager Mena Suvari. His entire world unravels with a fantastical quest to possess the girl by digressing into a younger self. Yet as soon as she makes herself available to him, the illusion of perfection comes apart and he's paralyzed by this realization. In the real world, I think he would have had sex with her, just as my obsessed clients would have sex with me if I invited it. The mirage of satisfaction would quickly realize itself later. Then his obsession would just manifest itself in another hopeless passion.


Obsessional does not necessarily mean sexual obsession, not even obsession for this, or for that in particular; to be an obsessional means to find oneself caught in a mechanism, in a trap increasingly demanding and endless. Jacques Lacan