Yesterday work was very busy, but very exasperating. Trust me, I love the money and most of my clients are fab, but here's a quick list of things about a client that make me eager to get home and shower in scalding hot water. No random order.
1. Your breath reeks. I don't care if you just smoked a cigarette or had a cup of coffee. I'm talking about the repugnant kind that is rooted in a lifetime of non-flossing and bad health. These are usually the types of me who want to... (see next item)
2. You try to lick me. Unexpectedly you sit up and attempt to lick anything you can with you foul, sloppy white tongue. You protest, " I wanna turn you on!" This is why you also complain that you can't meet anyone.
3. You complain about your wife. Listen sweetie. I see your wedding ring and you don't have to feel guilty or explain your self to me. I don't care. I'm probably thinking about pizza.
4. You ask what I REALLY do or what I aspire to be. It seems like a friendly question, but every single man asks me this in an attempt to get to "know me". It's not your business and I feel it's patronizing. Do you ask your garbage man what he really wants to be? ps: I usually just give you a vague lie anyway.
5. You have a small piece of toilet paper stuck in your ass. I won't want to get very close to you and I'll be dreadfully fixated on it the entire session. Check yo'self!
6. You want to give me a massage. Gosh, no one's offered that before! Keep your stealthy probing fingers to yourself. Now get your chubby ass back on the table.
7. You play 20 questions in order to guess my age. "So when did you graduate college?" "Do you remember that TV show?" "You probably weren't born when that song came out, right?" So, what year did you move here?"
8. You don't cut your toenails. You're wearing a thousand dollar Italian suit, but your feet look like this. No foot massage for you mister.
9. You go on and on about wishing you could meet a girl like me. You realize your paying me, right?
10. You want so much more and don't even offer to pay for it. You know I don't offer extras - especially since I said "no" when you asked me eight times. Do you beg the waiter for dessert after a meal? If I were the type gave extras, you will have to offer money for the honey.
